The kids are in the other room playing Wii, which allows me some time to write this neglected blog. I know that there are some of you out there, probably right this minute, who are updating your Facebook page with the words, “I am loving these last summer weeks with my sweet, well-behaved, beautiful children!” And you make me feel just a little bit guilty when I pay the 8th grader across the street to come play Sorry! with my boys for an hour while I sit in the driveway and reclaim my sanity.
I remember those images I had of what it would be like to have a child. It usually had to do with cute clothes and pretty nurseries and Christmas morning and warm cookies just out of the oven. The thing is – when I was paging through that imaginary scrapbook all those years ago, I forgot to turn to Chapter 7. If I had, I would have seen the title, “At the End of the Summer, There Will Be 14 Hours to Fill Each Day and Nothing To Do Except Let Your Kids Play on the Wii, and If You Do That You Will Prove To the World That You Are a BAD MOTHER.”
Sensing my unease, Blue just wandered into the kitchen and said, “Don’t worry, Mommy. Playing the Wii isn’t Screen Time, it’s exercise!!”
I totally believe those experts that warn us on a monthly basis that screen time will rot the brains of the next generation. And I’ve been lucky that my boys haven’t been the kinds of little kids that sit in front of the TV all day long. But I have also, on occasion (ahem), been willing to trade a few of their IQ points for a break from the endless crafts or just a bit of peace and quiet. And I have a sneaking suspicion that those screen time experts have never had the problem of needing their children to sit, in one place, without fighting or climbing or escaping, in order to grab a quick shower.
But these are just excuses, aren’t they? Yes, my kids have spent too much time playing video games this past week. And I will also confess to our habit of going to the library to play video games on the computers. Hey, don’t roll your eyes. I made them check out a book each time, too. And there was the walking back and forth to the car. That was good for them!
Here’s the real bummer of the situation. The excessive screen time in our family comes AFTER a full work day of wholesome and educational childhood entertainment. Take, for example, our schedule from one day this week:
6:33 a.m.: Wake up! Breakfast! Time to make a robot out of recyclables!
7:15 a.m.: Fight with brother because his robot is bigger than your robot. Screaming. Lose allowance.
7:30 a.m.: Make stuffed animals out of felt. Add inappropriate anatomical parts.
8:30 a.m.: Fight with brother. Screaming. Lose more allowance.
8:45 a.m.: Build Lego vehicle with strange weapons.
8:46 a.m.: Ask mother to help with Legos, even though mother doesn’t really understand Legos and gets frustrated with the diagrams.
8:47 a.m.: Ask mother to help with Legos.
8:48 a.m.: Can’t find a piece! Oh no! Screaming.
8:49 a.m.: Ask mother to help find piece ("Can you ask me nicely? I don’t respond to whining! Yes, you really are whining.").
8:50 a.m.-10:00 a.m.: Ask mother to help with Legos.
10:01 a.m.: Lego vehicle falls apart. Screaming.
10:02 a.m.: Time for more crafts! NO FAIR! He has better materials than I do!
10:03 a.m.: Fight with brother. Screaming. Lose more allowance.
10:04 a.m. -10:59 a.m.: Build life-sized tent out of paper. Your tent doesn’t stand up, but your brother’s does. More screaming.
11:00 a.m.: Eat lunch. Complain about selection. Beg for junk food.
11:45 a.m.: Go to pool. This is the far away pool, because the close-by pool is too boring.
12:15 – 1:30 p.m.: Swim happily. Mother rests, except to smile and nod every 30 seconds when you say, “Look at me! Did you see that?”
2:30 p.m.: Arrive home. Ask, “What are we going to do now?”
At this point, we have been busy with crafts and building and screaming and fighting and swimming for eight full hours. So we all engage in some review of first grade math:
Blue and Green are awake for 14 hours every day. They have been on the go for 8 hours already. How many more hours does the mother have to fill? If there are 3 more days in the week, how long before the mother goes crazy?
So I did what any BAD MOTHER would do, and I let the boys play their Wii. For just a little while. A few minutes, er….maybe an hour. Hours. Hell, I don’t know. Let’s just mention that we still had time for a science experiment before bedtime. And a game of cards (NO FAIR! He got better cards that I did! Screaming. Lose more allowance.).
8:31 p.m.: Kids asleep. Mother drinks.
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3 comments:
Too bad we are so far away, otherwise I could send Caleb over for Lego duty and that would provide at least a few minutes respite.
We just introduced Caleb to Monopoly and he is hooked. Now, Monopoly, that's a board game that will occupy several hours and you get to learn just how shrewd your kids are!
This sounds remarkably similar. Although instead of fight with brother we have "Can we play now? No, I don't want to play that. No, I don't want to play that. No, I don't want to play that.
"Why are you going to the bathroom again?"
As the door clicks shut and the lock slides into place.
In reading this, I note a remarkable lack of a co-parent. I guess I have been gone that much this week. Sorry.
I think the title should be Bad(Ass) Mother.
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