Monday, June 23, 2008

Pomp and Circumstance


(Wild Kindergarten Graduation Boogie)

All sweet things must come to an end. Last Tuesday, the boys graduated from kindergarten. And I cried. I cried through the graduation wiggle dance (see above). I cried through the diploma presentation. And I cried through the ceremonial ingestion of bomb pops on the playground. I was crying because in the space of a year, my tiny boys morphed from mere nubbins of people into "big kids." They read books. They ride their bikes without training wheels. They roll their eyes at me. And I feel this sense of being at the perfect moment of their lives, at the place where childhood wonder and an increasing competence exist in equal measure.

But truthfully, the graduation itself didn't work out so smoothly. Blue and Green's teacher decided that she would present the diplomas in alphabetical order. And then, to create a sense of metaphor, each child and his/her parents were to leave the room and symbolically head to first grade. This worked well for Adam, Anna, and Ashley. By the time it was Green's turn, the room was seeming a bit empty. And Zachary? When it was time for him to get his kindergarten certificate, his mom was the only one in the room to deliver the applause.


(Blue receiving diploma while teacher does "sign language clapping.")

Of course, the kids didn't notice the sloppy execution. They didn't notice my tears, either. All they noticed was that SUMMER! VACATION! IS! HERE! God knows that all those kindergarten craft projects and field trips and playground games were EXHAUSTING. Time to kick back with a juice box and wait around for the ice cream man to show up.


(Green, with post-graduation refreshment. If you look closely at the background, you can see the sign that tells students that they can't bring their potbellied pigs to school. I am not kidding.)

But, wouldn’t you know it, six-year-olds relax a little differently than I do. On the first day of summer vacation, the boys made an elaborate bad-guy-catching system throughout the house. They used string to zigzag booby traps between furniture and across rooms. On the second day of summer vacation, they brought in all of the rocks they could find in the back yard and piled them up in the kitchen. Apparently this was supposed to be a construction site. On the third day of summer vacation, they pulled out some toy police vehicles that blared the COPS theme song at top volume (Bad boys! Bad boys! Whatcha gonna do?) and played the tune over and over until I screamed. Then they made houses for their penguins out of Cheerios boxes (paper, tape, markers everywhere) and created a series of menacing signs for their room ("No Adults Allowed"). When they had a little friend over last week, I overheard one of them say, "I know! Let's make a flood!" And here's what I learned: little boys + running water + dirt = cosmic mess.

When I was a kid, summer was all about staying cool. As a parent, I’m finding that summer is all about keeping my cool as the kids tear through my previously serene space and destroy it. Remember the picture that my neighbor gave me when the boys began school, the one with the lady in the living room smiling happily as her kids leave on the bus? I get it now! I get it!

Summer vacation. One week down, ten to go.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Lawsuit

I'm taking a brief break from the blogging as summer vacation starts. I'll try to update this weekend. In the meantime, I'll leave you with this fabulous bit of information:

http://uk.reuters.com/article/rbssConsumerGoodsAndRetailNews/idUKN1938991320080619

I know that being the parent of two little boys has changed me, because I now find stories about underpants to be laugh-out-loud funny.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Memo

From: The School District
To: Parents of Kindergarteners

Dear Parents:

This memo is to inform you that we have scheduled a field trip at the beach for your children on June 6. We have made sure that this trip coincides with "S is for Summer!" day in the kindergarten curriculum, and we have attached an important handout about the importance of sunscreen.

We are aware that this year is a La Nina year in our city. We know that record grey, record cold, and general crapitude is predicted for the upcoming weeks. But we truly doubt that the region's bad weather would impact this wonderful excursion. If it does, we will change the curriculum theme to "S is for Shittiness."

We have also made sure to schedule our trip at a far-away beach. Despite the steep gas prices, we want to ensure that your child has a powerful memory of a long ride in a steamy, gas-guzzling bus. To further enhance their experience, we have chosen a site that has no bathroom facilities. After all, if you bring 85 six-year-olds on a four hour trip, the likelihood that someone will need to pee is small, right?

If, on the day of your trip, you are startled by the predictions of snow in the mountains and several inches of rain in the lowlands, be advised that we will not cancel or change these plans for any reason. We owe it to the environment to send your small children out into the low tides to handle, fling, and strangle the wildlife.


Sincerely,

The Powers That Be


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Stretch Your Mind

I know that many of you have been all wrapped up in the ending of the Obama/Clinton saga. The stress and the drama have been enough to send me running to the nearest movie theater ---- Yes! You guessed it! We actually WENT OUT and saw a real movie, and we STAYED AWAKE all the way until the credits rolled. I can't tell you how excited I was to go see Sex and the City. But, ultimately, I can't say it was as fulfilling as I had hoped. I loved the TV show. It captured a real yearning that so many of us have to create a happy, authentic, connected life. But the movie? Here are my impressions:

1) There was too much emphasis on fairy tale endings.

2) I don't like Mr. Big, even if he does build groovy closets.

3) It might be better to be left at the altar than to see yourself in wedding photos wearing a large, teal bird in your hair. Maybe I just don't get high fashion.

So, bloggers, weigh in. What did you think of the movie?

The other thing I've been doing lately is reading poetry. My absolute favorite poet, Erin Malone, is featured this month on the Beloit Poetry Journal blog. Go check her out. In addition to reading two fantastic poems, you can join the ongoing discussion in the comments section about punctuation. There's nothing sexier than a bunch of writers talking about the ethics of the ampersand.