Miss Me?

I know.

I KNOW.

I've neglected you, dear bloggers, and I am sorry. It's been kind of a rough fall for me. I decided to teach a full load this quarter, which proved to be a little too full. It was especially problematic, because one of the classes I was teaching was unfamiliar to me (read: I did not know the subject). So every weekend, like my students, I was reading the core literature in the field. And I was writing a lecture and coming up with fun activities and practicing looking authoritative. It turns out that the acting class I took during my freshman year in high school came in handy (And today the part of the Competent Professor is being played by....).

Then it came to my attention that several of my students were big, fat cheaters. Yeah, you read that correctly: SEVERAL. So here's the thing: If you ever become my student, you might find that I don't always know what I'm talking about. But I usually know if you've copied your paper right from the internet (or from the textbook), especially if you are normally a crappy writer or don't speak English as your native language.

Here's my favorite cheater moment from this quarter. I brought the offending student into my office to "talk about his sources." He sat across from me, looking slightly concerned that my normal "nice professor" face had changed into the face I put on when I yell at my kids. As I showed him what happened when I plugged his sentences into Google, he looked shocked. Then he said, "I had no idea that this paper came from the internet. I had my dad write it for me!"

So I've been a little busy being an academic honesty cop. But, OK, here's my confession. I also started a little relationship with Facebook this fall. I find that it's just as fun as this blog, but I don't have to write essays! The first week I joined, I went crazy (they don't call it Crackbook for nothin'). And I have reconnected in a chit-chatty sort of way with a few people I haven't talked to since, oh, 1981. But slowly the buzz is starting to wear off. I imagine it's kind of like going to a high school reunion. At first, it's so much fun to see how everyone has changed. Then you start to realize that the reason that you didn't keep in touch with all these folks is that you never really did have anything in common. The conversations usually go like this: "How have you been? You have 2.5 kids, a great job at a bank, and a white, picket fence? Terrific!" And then you're done.

Coincidentally, I received my college's alumni magazine yesterday. You know these things -- people send in blurbs about how fabulous they have become (kind of like the Facebook updates, but with more glory: "I have 2.5 BRILLIANT kids, am CEO of a bank that did not require a bailout, and my white, picket fence is eco-friendly"). But, anyway, there was one update that stood out to me. It went something like this: "I wrote (Successful Novel), published by (Fancy Publishing Company) in 2008. I wrote the book while in (Exotic Country), where I played (Professional Sport) for a year. After I finished it, I traveled to (Warm Beachy Island) for a vacation, and I decided to stay!"

I've decided that next time I have the "What have you been doing with your life?" conversation on Facebook, I'm going to use this woman's story instead of my own. But, wait, that would be kind of like stealing a paper from the internet, wouldn't it?

Thank you all for being patient. There will be many new updates soon.