(Getting on train)
Jennifer: Yay! We’re free! No obligations! No kids!
E: Just two wild and crazy ladies with time to kill and money to spend.
Jennifer: And crafting to do. Don’t forget about our bag of craft supplies.
E: I think I forgot my glue stick.
Jennifer: Michael made fun of me for bringing my craft stuff on our trip. Can’t we go to bars AND make collages? Why are the two mutually exclusive?
(Train employee in uniform walks by)
(Train employee in uniform walks by)
Jennifer: Oooh! Look! A train guy! My boys need a picture of that.
E: You’re not supposed to be thinking about the kids.
Jennifer: I need a picture of the dining car, too. Let’s go find it!
E: Wait. Look what’s getting on the train.
Jennifer: Oh no. It seems like we’ve been seated with a tenth grade girls’ volleyball team.
E: They look like strippers. What were their mothers thinking, letting them go out in public like that?
Jennifer: We’re old enough to be their mothers, you know.
E: Not this weekend. This weekend we’re young, hip, and carefree!
Jennifer: I do have to remember to find a toy store while we’re there. I need to bring back souvenirs.
E: You’re not supposed to be thinking about the kids.
(That night, at dinner)
Jennifer: Woo! This restaurant is swanky!
(That night, at dinner)
Jennifer: Woo! This restaurant is swanky!
E: I think you’re supposed to be cool if you come here. Can you fake it for a few minutes?
Jennifer: Look at the yummy list of cocktails! Can you make sure I get back to the hotel safely?
E: How much to you plan to drink?!?
Jennifer: Uh, one or two?
E: You are so NOT cool.
Jennifer: Let’s get that waitress to take our picture!
E: This is so embarrassing.
Jennifer: Uh, Courtney? Could you take our picture? We’re two mommies on a getaway vacation! It’s just us! No children!
E: Stop it. Drink your cocktail.
Jennifer: They call this the “Vampire.” I think it has Squirt in it! Delicious!
E: Don’t drink that too fast! My wine isn’t even here yet.
Jennifer: I shink I mi be gittin loooooopy.
E: I think we need to order you some food.
Jennifer: I mish my kiiiiids. Aren’t my kiiiiiids cuuuttteee?
E: You’re not supposed to be thinking about your kids.
(Next day. Shopping).
Jennifer: I need to get something for Michael.
(Next day. Shopping).
Jennifer: I need to get something for Michael.
E: Like what?
Jennifer: I don’t have any ideas. If I don’t find something soon, I’ll have to get him an Amtrak key chain at the train station.
E: Look! There’s a men’s boutique across the street!
Jennifer: A men’s boutique?
E: Yes! Maybe you can get him a really nice shirt. Let’s go!
(The women enter the store. It is dimly lit, with a sign that says “You must be 18 to enter.” Obscene clothing and paraphernalia line the shelves.)
Jennifer: Uh, E, I think this may be a different kind of shop.
E (picking up what appears to be a whip): Oh. My. God.
(They read a sign that says: "Please Refrain From Hitting Customers While Shopping”)
Jennifer: Hee Hee.
E: Hee Hee.
Together: Hee Hee Hee.
Jennifer: Look, E, I can get some underwear with penguins on them here! I’m totally buying these.
E: You are NOT supposed to be thinking about your kids.
(That night, in the hotel room. Crafting)
E: Aren’t you going to finish your collage?
(That night, in the hotel room. Crafting)
E: Aren’t you going to finish your collage?
Jennifer: I’m getting kind of sleepy. It’s after my bedtime.
E: It’s only 9:30.
Jennifer: Exactly.
E: We came all this way. You can’t go to sleep at 9:30.
Jennifer: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
E: Do you think we should put on some nice clothes and do something wild and crazy? We could crash that wedding reception downstairs…
Jennifer: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
E: We could talk. Not about kids, but about other stuff. We could discuss the meaning of life!
Jennifer: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
E: You’re no fun. You’re acting like such a GROWNUP.
Jennifer: Fine. Let’s open the minibar. Tell me the meaning of life.
E: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Jennifer: Exactly.
11 comments:
Ah, such stimulating conversation! I'm just a little disappointed that we didn't try harder; imagine the hits you would've gotten if instead of "Mommies on the Loose" you'd called this "Loose Mommies."
I think that title might have drawn a different type of reader to this blog.
hahahahahhaha im already feeling like that and i dont even have the kids yet, eeek!
Yeah, but you are an honorary member of the mommy club. You have wiped enough snotty noses to "get it." :)
Again with the pornguins! I think your find in the "men's boutique" validates your earlier sexy spheniscid theories.
I am still grappling with how collages fit in. Did it have something to do with the destination?
E and I both have an interest in gluing. We are very, very cool people, as you can probably tell. So we brought our bags of paper scraps with us, and we had this idea of a wild night with a lot of drinking and artwork. Unfortunately, I got too sleepy for this, but E made a lovely giraffe collage.
Next time you come visit us, I'm gonna make you try it.
I had to look up "spheniscid" in the dictionary.
So I'm guessing you brought over 3 oz of glue, and that's why you didn't fly? A long time ago a friend of mine from out East told me her theory that people who take trains are too fat to fit in airplane seats, phobic, or want to carry guns. Now we need to add "buttload of glue"?
I am taking a train from point A to point B in the Northeast next week, sparing some lucky soul from sitting next to me on a plane. That ride should follow our first road trip with everybody -- a coarctate festival with Top, Charm, and Gluon all squeezed into the back seat -- and a few luctiferous hours at point A, owing my pentheraphobia. In comparison, a crafty compotation involving you would be an oblectation.
When you saw Top the other week, did you mention how annoying you find his daddy?
Between posting that last comment and now I have picked 10 lb of beautiful sour cherries from a busy tree in our front yard. (YOU should come visit US.) Time for pie makin' on an industrial scale... which won't help with the airplane seats at all. Happy 4th!
We totally took the train because we wanted to carry our guns. That, and we wanted to see the cute train guys in red hats.
We really should come visit you. Your mother said that your new house is BIG! BIG! BIG!
I have a feeling that you were one of those kids whose idea of a fun evening was to play word games (oooh! let's get out the dictionary and look up dirty words!). Pentheraphobia made me laugh.
Oui, j'étais grand dork.
There's not a lot to do out here in the flatland so there's very little barrier to adding another room, widening this hallway, then presto, big-ass house. (Mutter: Mom still lives in a 33% bigger house, so our population density is 3 times what they have. And, like your place, it's a total sausage fest.) Model railroad companies would have gone out of business were it not for the spacious basements in the square states. And, I suppose, the manufacturers of those red train hats you like.
My wife was into model railroads as a child. Does that happen much? After 3 kids I'm reasonably sure she ain't a shemale.
You didn't tell my Mom about this blog, did you?
Ulp. I may need to lurk from now on!
Don't worry -- I didn't tell her about the blog. You are still free.
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